“Holding you, I held Everything, for a moment, wasn’t I the
King”.. I’ve heard that song sung by Garth Brooks a million times. “For a moment, all the world was right, how
could I have known, that you’d ever say goodbye.” Wow, that song hit me like a ton of bricks
the other day. That sums up my time with
my son. When I was pregnant, when we
held him, we were kings, we had everything.
“If I’d only known, how the key would fall, hey who’s to say, you know I
might have changed it all.” I thought
about this for a long time. If I would
have known that we would lose Easton, that we couldn’t bring him home with us,
would I save us the heartache? You know,
I probably would have. If someone said,
you are going to get pregnant, carry this child for 7 months, have dreams for
him, but you will not be able to keep him, you can’t bring him home and live
out those dreams… I have to be honest, I imagine I would say no way, I won’t go
through with it. But, that is how
awesome the Lord is. If he gave me the
choice, I would have never felt the immense love from not only holding my son, but
the amazing people I am surrounded with.
I would have never known my son the way I do. Would I change things if I could, you can bet
on it, but the only thing I’d change is us not bringing him home and watching
him grow.
“My life, is better left to chance, I couldn’t miss the
pain, that I’d have had to miss, The Dance.”
I had my son, if only for a fleeting moment I held my son. I got to know my son and for 7 brief months
and one long night he was here on earth.
For an eternity, he lives in my heart and mind. He’s taught me that sometimes, in order to
have something amazing and beautiful, you have to go through the pain. And just because there is pain, does not mean
that beautiful things aren’t happening.
Embrace the beautiful things, the pain is a small price to pay.
Speaking of dancing, I know my little man has to be dancing
in Heaven. The past weeks have been
rough and the beautiful sunsets and the peace I have been feeling are a
blessing.
I’m Easton’s mom, so thankful, that I got to Dance.