The Dance

“Holding you, I held Everything, for a moment, wasn’t I the King”.. I’ve heard that song sung by Garth Brooks a million times.  “For a moment, all the world was right, how could I have known, that you’d ever say goodbye.”   Wow, that song hit me like a ton of bricks the other day.  That sums up my time with my son.  When I was pregnant, when we held him, we were kings, we had everything.   “If I’d only known, how the key would fall, hey who’s to say, you know I might have changed it all.”  I thought about this for a long time.  If I would have known that we would lose Easton, that we couldn’t bring him home with us, would I save us the heartache?  You know, I probably would have.  If someone said, you are going to get pregnant, carry this child for 7 months, have dreams for him, but you will not be able to keep him, you can’t bring him home and live out those dreams… I have to be honest, I imagine I would say no way, I won’t go through with it.  But, that is how awesome the Lord is.  If he gave me the choice, I would have never felt the immense love from not only holding my son, but the amazing people I am surrounded with.  I would have never known my son the way I do.  Would I change things if I could, you can bet on it, but the only thing I’d change is us not bringing him home and watching him grow.  

“My life, is better left to chance, I couldn’t miss the pain, that I’d have had to miss, The Dance.”  I had my son, if only for a fleeting moment I held my son.  I got to know my son and for 7 brief months and one long night he was here on earth.  For an eternity, he lives in my heart and mind.  He’s taught me that sometimes, in order to have something amazing and beautiful, you have to go through the pain.  And just because there is pain, does not mean that beautiful things aren’t happening.  Embrace the beautiful things, the pain is a small price to pay.

Speaking of dancing, I know my little man has to be dancing in Heaven.  The past weeks have been rough and the beautiful sunsets and the peace I have been feeling are a blessing.  

I’m Easton’s mom, so thankful, that I got to Dance.