Dreams

The last few days I've been waking up and had to double check my life.  In my dream I had a baby and he was here with me.  The first dream he was just a baby in his crib and I had to go check on him.  I woke up and felt like I needed to go to his room.  But, his room isn't even finished, there is no drywall, just studs, there is a pile of paneling on the floor.  The room is empty, just like my arms.  In many ways, I want to leave it that way.  Last night I had a dream that Easton was a boy about 7 years old, playing in his room.  He smiled at me and kept playing.  Waking up like this has its good and very bad points.  I am so happy that he is here, then when I realize that it was a dream, my heart breaks.  I'm a mess all day.  Today was my 2nd day back to work.  This dream, didn't make my life easy today.  On top of that, it's Gram's birthday. No one said this life would be easy.  My Gram taught me so much about life and who I am today.  I never knew she would continue to teach me.  My Gram and Pap were married 25 short years whenever he passed away.  This wasn't just any old marriage, these two are what people aspire to be, or at least they should 

If you would ask my Gram about Pap, her eyes would light up, she would smile.  And she would go on and on about him.  She wouldn't get sad.  I know she missed that man more than anything in this world.  But, he made her smile.  She still lived even after losing the love of her life.  How does anyone do that.  Well, now I'm figuring that out.  Now, I'm here, trying to figure out how life continues without him here on Earth.  It's inevitable, I know.  You either keep moving or get trampled on.  It's not like I can tell everyone to stop living because I'm sad.  Even if I could, what good would that do?  So, I'm trying to get to that point where, I smile.  When I think of my baby boy, I smile. 

God has blessed me with knowing my Gram.  They don't make women like her anymore, and I am trying my best to live up to her.  God has blessed me with an incredible husband, which, I talk about with a bright smile.  Really, that only explanation for how we are together, is it's God's Plan.  I have never known someone so amazing.  My soul just feels right with him.  That's how I know that God not only had a plan for us, but for Easton.  Easton was made out of 100% Love.  Something made of that much love is bound for great things.  <3

Good Night My Angel..