Pins and Needles, not so much..

I haven't written in awhile, I have so many emotions and things in my head, it's hard to figure out how to convey them.  I started this blog, so that one day, Easton's brother or sister would be able to read this and get a better feeling for just how special he is.  That, they might be able to read and truly appreciate life a little more.

We have been talking about getting pregnant.  I think everyone is scared of how I will do with this.  I know that when my best friend got pregnant a year after losing her son, I was a mess.  I was scared and on pins and needles until I saw that beautiful little girl being weighed and screaming her little head off!  So, why now, do I feel ok?  Why do I feel like it will be ok?  My guess, well, I'd say its a mixture of things.  First and foremost, the good Lord will do as he sees best.  I cannot control what happens, I can only do my best to take care of my baby.  Just as I did with Easton.  Second, Easton deserves a brother or sister.  One he can watch over, someone that will get to know him and love him too.  Lastly, I want this so bad.  I want to be a mom of a baby here on earth.  I want to watch my baby grow, play, cry, sleep, all of that wonderful stuff. 

I will be sad I'm sure, the memories I have of my lil guy are of carrying him, feeling kicks, cravings, sonograms, watching him jump around on that screen is the best memory I have, aside from seeing his beautiful little face.  How could I not remember him.  I am learning that the sadness brings me closer to him.   I was so sad and missing him the other day.  I sent a text message to Nate telling him that.  He said that it was ok, because that shows how much love I have for him.  Well, yet again, Nate was right.  When I start to miss him, I am learning to embrace it.  To remember that the reason I'm missing him is because I love him more than life itself.  That kind of love is made only by God himself. 

The Houser family was blessed by this Angel that we named Easton.  The love of our lives.  I'm told that hole in my heart will never heal, but my heart will get bigger and allow more love to come in.  My friend told me this happened to her when she saw her baby girl cry.  I know that there is enough room in our hearts for another baby or maybe 2! And that Easton will always have his permanent spot in our hearts and in our minds. 

It's a Love without end, Amen.