Dear Easton

Dear Easton,

I am missing you so much, I feel the need to write to you.  Your dad is on evening turn this week and I am having a bit of a tough time.  You Pap Pap went to visit you today.  I hope you were there with him.  He certainly misses you. I think he had big plans for you too.  Secretly though, because he tries to act like he's not a "kid person".  Truth be told, he was one of the most fun people when I was growing up.  I always thought there was no one on earth better than your Pap Pap.  Until I met your dad, then I knew there were two people in this world that I trusted completely.  Your pap most certainly looked forward to taking you fishing and hunting.  He's a little awkward when it comes to feelings but I'm sure you feel his love.

I'm being a little selfish this evening.  I'm thinking about me.  I'm thinking about what I wanted for us.  I'm thinking about holding and rocking you and singing the songs my gram sang to me.  But, I should be comforted in knowing that she is most likely up there singing them to you.  And my Pap Shannon is going to be the one to take you fishing and hunting.  You were my dream, little boy. I'm sorry I was so scared while I was pregnant.  I was so afraid something was going to happen to you, that I didn't make the most of the time we had.

I pray that you are here with me.  I pray that know how much I love you.  I pray that you know that you are on my mind every second of the day.  I think that is the worst part.  I don't know if you are here, if you are ok.  If you need me.  I feel like I'm not doing my job as your mom, but I'm not sure what my job is now.

Please baby, be happy.  Please know that you are loved beyond anything I've ever loved.  It scares me how much I love you.  Please know how much your family loves you.  How much you were wanted and how we are looking forward to being with you someday.

I love you baby boy.  Sweet dreams little man.

Love Always,

Mom
xoxo