Living "Every Minute" with Hopes of "Getting There"

I sit here tonight trying to figure out who I am.  I know that I'm still me but there is a new side to me.  One that's a little tougher, has more faith and lives moment to moment.  My life used to just fly by and I was always in a hurry to get to the next step.  Now it seems things have slowed down.  I have been living in the moment since Easton died.  From the moment they confirmed he was gone, Nate whispered to me, Every Minute.  He said Every Minute was one step closer to this nightmare being over.  Every minute we were closer to meeting our son and closure after we buried him.

Every minute is what I have to remind myself in the bad moments.  I allow myself those bad moments.  I feel I'm entitled to them.  Besides, who's going to judge me for having a bad moment, really!  Every minute means so much more to me now.  Every minute I get to spend with the love of my life is awesome and I don't take it for granted even for a second!  Every minute is one minute closer to being with my son in Heaven.  Every minute is joy and Every minute can be painful.  It's in those minutes that I'm living now.

We'll get there is another thing that my husband tells me.  Nate reminds me of this when other people are bringing home their babies from the hospital and I'm sad cause we never got to bring Easton home, he says, "We'll get there."  We'll get there gives me hope, that someday, we will get to bring a baby home.  We'll get there means that someday, we will have a baby to keep us up all night, one to take for holiday pictures, one to plan and have hopes and dreams for.  We'll get there gets me through those rough moments in a Angel Mommy's life.

This is my life now, living in the moment with hopes of "getting there".  I can say that I see the world differently.  I have always been pretty compassionate, but now I see how I effect people.  Now, I see when people need me.  Now, I see their emotion. I don't think I've ever really slowed down enough to truly be a good listener.  I've also realized that swallowing my pride is way more important than always being right.  That a smile on my husbands face is so much more rewarding than being the person that got her way.  Life is bittersweet, I learned that all too well on March 5th.  I also learned that if you can handle the bitter, the sweet is so much more rewarding.

Not a day goes by where I don't thank the Lord for blessing us with you Easton.  You are truly the best thing that ever happened to us.  Mommy and Daddy love you more than you ever could imagine.  Our cup overflows.  xoxo