This is the day that forever changed our lives. I should start by saying that I was 7 months pregnant. On that Monday morning at 3am I started having contractions. They were coming about every 15 minutes and the Doctor's has assured me that unless they were really strong, I was ok. Well, by 7am I realized that I really hadn't been feeling Easton move all that much. I called the doctor, they asked me to come in. I have to say that the entire ride to the doctor's office I knew something wasnt right. I hardly talked and focused on the contractions. However, nothing could have prepared me for hearing the worst news ever. The doctor used her doppler and searched for his heartbeat, one that had always been loud like a choo choo train as soon as they put the doppler on my belly. She rushed us to ultrasound and it was there we saw that there was no heartbeat. Everything went numb and at that point I was more like a robot. Thank god for my husband. He was a rock that I clung to the entire time.
When I found out I had to deliver the baby, I was more than scared. I did not plan on having a baby that day. In my mind, I still had 2 more months to get used to the idea of delivering a baby.
Blessings:
You may find it a little crazy to hear me say we were blessed that day. How can I possibly say that on the worst day of our lives?? Well, here are the blessings we counted, although, I know there are many more small ones that we just aren't aware of yet. Normally, I would have went to the doctor's myself, as Nate is new to work and cannot take off at work. That morning he was just coming off a 4-12 shift and was home to go with me. I hate to think of what would happen if he hadn't been there. Next, when they took us to labor and delivery, the bereavement nurse was just coming on her shift and would be there the entire time until 11pm that night. She is skilled in handling situations like ours. We were also blessed by someone that I will call my angel here on earth. She is my best friend and also lost her son 10 years before. I held her son when he was born. He was beautiful and perfect just like Easton. Without hesitating she was at my side and didn't leave until that evening.
Our biggest blessing was Easton. Our little boy is perfect. He is the best thing that ever happened to us. For 7 months I carried this lil guy in my belly, we had hopes and dreams for him. We weren't prepared for him to be an Angel. Even as I sit here today, I cannot tell you that I fully understand this. I don't know that I ever will until I see him again. I know that I will never be the same again. Amazing that someone so small can leave such a huge imprint on your heart. We held our baby, we kissed him and held his hand. He looked like his dad so much, that it made my heart overflow with joy. Only someone that has been through this can know the joy and the sorrow you feel at that point.
Every day we miss him, every day we heal a little bit. We want Easton to know that he made us feel blessed and happy. We would never want him to feel that he makes us sad. Easton will always be remembered by his family and friends. And one day we will all get to be with him.
2 Samuel 23
"I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me."
Easton is in good company, I'm pretty sure his Great Grandparents are fighting over him. And he is playing with Justin and Vinny.
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