Just when I thought I couldn't miss you anymore, I find myself missing you more than I ever thought humanly possible. I try so hard to point out the positive of everything (seeing you, holding you, how perfect you are), but now I just miss you. Nothing makes that go away. It's only getting stronger.
So much reminds me of you, of the dreams I had for you. I had a hard time walking past the baby department in the store today. I forced myself to do it. I had to literally talk myself through it. How silly does that sound?? I wanted to be there buying clothes for you. I wanted to be there planning for you to come home with me. Then it hits me, you never got to come home. We left that Monday and that was the last time I'd have you here.
You Nana asked for your pictures the other day, so I made a little card with my favorite pictures of you. It reminded me how much I was looking forward to taking millions of pictures of you. I thought you would be so annoyed with me because I tend to take too many pictures.
No one will ever take your place, no one will ever fill this hole in my heart. I talk about you everyday. I think about you all the time. I miss you.. I miss you a million times over. I love you tons and tons.
I've come to the realization that this is US. This is our family. You and Daddy and Me. This wasn't the way we imagined it, but you will always be our son. We love you, baby E.
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